so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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