I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
