I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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