It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
