you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
