there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
