so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
