I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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