theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
