i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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