Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
