Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
