can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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