Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
