It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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