i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
