how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
