Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
