OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
