he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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