Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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