I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
