This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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