saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
