So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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