This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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