We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
