i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
