she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
