Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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