I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
