She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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