worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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