Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
