Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
