During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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