why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
