She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
