There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
