I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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