Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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