Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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