i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
