"it" just moved
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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