I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
