I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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