I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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