I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
