I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
