sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
