I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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