its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
