Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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